12 Secrets for Healing Conflict in Relationships

  1. See conflict not as a problem, but as an opportunity.
  2. View the other person not as your adversary but as your partner in solving the problem.
  3. Be fair, and take your share of the responsibility for the conflict.
  4. Take the risk of truly listening to the other, knowing that you may be changed in the process.
  5. Be curious instead of critical, compassionate instead of condemning.
  6. Appreciate differences rather than be threatened by them.
  7. Refrain from judgments and criticisms, and choose instead to share how you are affected by the other's behavior.
  8. Disclose your vulnerable feelings rather than blaming the other for causing them.
  9. Express your needs as requests instead of demands.
  10. Trust that the other person has as much goodwill participating in this process as you do.
  11. Balance your desire to prevail in the conflict with your desire for a mutually satisfying relationship.
  12. Paste this list on your forehead for your partner to see.