Rules for Relationships

• Be curious instead of critical, compassionate instead of condemning.
• Appreciate differences instead of being threatened by them.
• Risk sharing the vulnerable feelings of hurt and fear that underlie the protective feelings of anger and resentment.
• Dare to tell the truth about yourself instead of your truth about the other.
• Practice listening from your heart as well as your head. Then risk truly listening, knowing you may be changed in the process.
• Be the change you seek in the other.
• Forego blaming and shaming. Disclose instead how you are emotionally affected by the other's behavior.
• View the relationship not only as a resource for meeting your needs but as a vehicle for your own transformation.
• Take 100% of the responsibility for any conflict. Seek understanding and being understood, rather than getting your way and being right.
• Recognize that difficulties are not random events in a meaningless world. They are opportunities for enlightenment offered by a benevolent and intelligent universe whose intention it is to serve and support you.