Rules for Relationships


  • Be curious instead of critical, compassionate instead of condemning.
  • Appreciate differences instead of being threatened by them.
  • Risk sharing the vulnerable feelings of hurt and fear that underlie the protective feelings of anger and resentment.
  • Dare to tell the truth about yourself instead of your truth about the other.
  • Practice listening from your heart as well as your head. Then risk truly listening, knowing you may be changed in the process.
  • Be the change you seek in the other.
  • Forego blaming and shaming. Disclose instead how you are emotionally affected by the other's behavior.
  • View the relationship not only as a resource for meeting your needs but as a vehicle for your own transformation.
  • Take 100% of the responsibility for any conflict. Seek understanding and being understood, rather than getting your way and being right.
  • Recognize that difficulties are not random events in a meaningless world. They are opportunities for enlightenment offered by a benevolent and intelligent universe whose intention it is to serve and support you.